How many times do I look back on something I have said or done and thought, "If only I ..." How often have I told myself that my life would be so much better and that everything would be okay "If only I ..." I have said those three words to myself filling in countless endings, yet rarely have I carried those moments of clarity to completion. That is where the difficulty lies. In many aspects of life it is far easier to say we want something than to put in the work to accomplish our dreams.
I've wondered where this unrest originated or why I have these thoughts. When did I stop believing that what I am doing or what I have isn't good enough? When did dissatisfaction become normalcy? Is there a way to return to contentedness? Is there a role for dissatisfaction in our lives and does that drive us to improve? Where is the balance?
Unfortunately, I have more questions than answers at this point. This has been rolling around in my head for a long time yet there are moments of joy when I receive clarity. One such moment came when I read the following quote attributed to Epictetus, "How long are you going to wait before you demand the best for yourself?"
It hit me that I often set low expectations for myself or that I allow people to see a dimmer future for myself than I do. When I read or listen to the stories of those who have excelled in whatever area of study or business they have a common thread that they didn't listen to others. They believed in themselves in the face of adversity and challenges. Their internal compass drove them to do what they thought was right or what they wanted to do. They demanded the best and achieved it.
This is one reason that I chose to complete an IronMan this year. I want to challenge myself mentally, physically and emotionally. I want to demand something greater than I have ever done before. This journey will push me and teach me. In some small way, I am hoping that this will begin to teach me to internalize and pursue dreams I once thought impossible. Happy hunting.